Imaginative Reality

2 years ago, I fell in love with the guy I wouldn’t have thought I’d fall in love with. I don’t know how it happened, but we became close friends a few weeks after he joined our choir. We even considered ourselves as best friends.

As much as I’d like to share the sweetest moments we had… I think now is not a very good time. Maybe later (or if someone asks me about it). 

Anyway, due to a series of unfortunate events—which includes miscommunication and other complicated situations caused by my mom—we ended our relationship. Actually, he’s the one who decided that it’s best if we’re just friends. I don’t blame him… I was also thinking about breaking up with him a few days before that. 

You see… everything is just so complicated for us at that time. I also think that we’re young and didn’t really know what to do or how to handle things.

A few weeks after the breakup, I thought everything is going to be okay since we’re still friends and often talk to each other. But as time passes by, we became awkward… we stopped talking to each other…

It’s hard because our choir mates would still tease us to each other… and well… I get to see him every Sunday and every time there is a choir “gathering” or whatsoever. 

It’s hard for me to move on. I still think about him. I miss him so much… especially when I think about the moments we had -____-

Last January, our professor thought of something odd to make us earn extra points. He said that we should write a letter for someone special and we have to give it on Valentine’s Day. Seems easy? Nah… he told us that the bigger the letter is, the more points we’ll earn. So yeah… my friends and I wrote on a cartolina. My friend even wrote on 4 whole cartolinas taped together!

Me? I only managed to write on 2 cartolinas. I wrote there everything I’ve always wanted to say to him.  I didn’t care if it’s too cheesy or pathetic because that’s what my heart is saying.

To make things short, I wasn’t able to give him the letter on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have the courage too. I was afraid of what he’ll think because of the things I wrote. I don’t think it matters anymore because it’s been 2 years already.

But 3 weeks ago, before I leave to spend 2 weeks with my dad, my best friend told me that it’s time for me to give him the letter. And yeah… after 2 days of debating, she managed to convince me to give it to him. Well…sort of.. because I asked her to do it instead. 

When I got to my dad’s place, I tried not to think about the letter because paranoia will kill me. Then when I got back, it’s as if nothing had happened. No reply. We’re still awkward.

But what am I expecting anyway? It’s not as if he’d come back after reading it, right? I’m just fooling myself. But I really wish he’d write me a letter too. I wish he’d tell me everything that’s going on in his mind ever since…ever since the break up or I don’t know.. since we became bf/gf? -sigh-

I think the fact that he didn’t reply is enough for me to really move on. It’s going to be a long process… but I have to try. That’s the only way for me to be really happy. Besides, there are a lot of guys out there.

So there… I hope this is for real. Wish me luck! :)